Back and Forth

I just got off the phone with Pat. T. (Congratulations on twenty-two years!) I was expressing my frustration about feeling as if no one was reading this blog. She assured me that people were and that they missed my posts. I assumed from the absence of comments or emails that no one was reading. Yet I saw page hits and wondered where they were coming from.

I have been very discouraged of late about not becoming a part of AA here in Arizona. I took a position with intergroup (I am the web servant) but I have had little opportunity to sponsor anyone here. Couple that with the gnawing feeling that I am becoming more and more irrelevant to my friends in Michigan and you might sense some of my melancholy.

Part of this is due to the fact that it is difficult for me to be understood on the phone and it takes a lot of effort to talk for any length of time. It's not that I couldn't do it, but I shy away from it as an unpleasant obligation. To help with this I have started writing to AAs in prison and that has been a great help. But even there I can become lazy and discouraged.

So once again I am encouraged to return to this blog and ignore the fact that I am getting no feedback. My email still works (sclarkaz@gmail.com) so I would appreciate a note here and there. But my blogging will no longer depend on that.

Truth be told, it is actually the sin of pride that holds me back. I want to be recognized and praised and, of all the reasons there might be for doing this, that one is the least noble. So I will resume blogging as an act of spiritual discipline and assume that even if no one else reads it, God certainly is.