All animals are imbued to a greater or lesser extent with a natural fear response, often termed the "fight or flight" instinct. In mammals (including humans) it arises out of a very primitive part of the brain, is mediated by neurohormones, and is entirely beyond our control. Sometimes we get addicted to the feelings and seek out activities designed to trigger it in a controlled way. I think this is why amusement parks exist. A "thrill" ride is designed to elicit a primitive fear response but in a way that our conscious minds know is still safe.
But we differ from every other animal in one important regard. We have the mental capability to anticipate future events based on our past experiences. As a child, I learned pretty young that Christmas came once a year and that it was going to be the very best day of the year, even better than my birthday which I also eagerly anticipated. (I wish I still felt that way.) This also means that we can project our fears into the future and anticipate them with dread. When this is conscious we call it worry, but it isn't always conscious. Sometimes we deflect these feelings onto other people or situations and (surprise!) get angry at something that hasn't even happened. My friend Don C. tells a very funny story that illustrates this perfectly. Allow me.
A man is returning from a trip, and while driving home one of his tires goes flat. As he gets out to change it a steady rain begins to fall. He is quite angry at his circumstances already, but as he opens the trunk he sees that the jack is missing. His son was probably using it to work on his car and forgot to put it back. Now he's really getting perturbed and very angry at his son. Thinking of what to do, he remembers passing a house a mile or so back and there were lights on. He decides to take the long walk in the rain to see if he can borrow a jack. As he approaches the house, he notices that there are no longer any lights on. He thinks to himself, "This family has already gone to bed. I'm going to wake them up and they're going to get upset. They may even tell me to go away and this entire walk would have been for nothing!" Reluctantly he arrives and rings the bell. No response. He rings again and sees a light come on. He's now convinced that he's going to have to deal with someone who is more concerned about their own sleep than his plight. The nerve of some people! The door opens and a man asks, "What can I do for you?" "I'll tell you what you can do," he yells. "You can take your jack and shove it up your ***!"It's funny because we have all had these kinds of experiences. Have you ever had that unpleasant talk with someone in the future? We imagine how the conversation will progress based on nothing more than fantasy and fear. I still go through that every time I have to let an employee go. I will ruin an entire weekend re-running the scenario. Of course, when it actually happens, it's nothing like what I expected.
In reality, the future we fear almost never happens, and we never anticipate the bad things that sometimes do. In other words, we never worry about real things. If we could all adopt the attitude "Don't worry; be happy" life would be a whole lot better. But this is not natural for an alcoholic. It is a skill we must learn and practice until it becomes a part of our nature. The Steps provide a practical and proven way to get there, but it will always be a lifetime struggle.
My next post will discuss just how we go about that.
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