Making the Approach

Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.

But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured - these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.

- Alcoholics Anonymous pp. 18-19

I'm not so sure about the "no lectures to be endured" part. I've done more than my share of lecturing.

But the fact remains that it is the undeniable authenticity of our experience that wins the confidence of those whom we approach. This cannot be easily faked. Then, over time, the newcomer gradually becomes aware that we're not out to get something. That was what impressed me the most about my first meetings. These were people who seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being. I waited in vain for their hidden agenda to emerge but it never did.

One of the things that Bill always mentioned when he spoke of his first interactions with Ebby was one of Ebby's subsequent visits to him in Towns Hospital.

So, I think it was the morning of the third or the fourth day that my friend Ebby showed up in the doorway, and my feeling was ambivalent at once. So I said, "Well, this is the time he's going to pour on the evangelism." And on the other hand I was saying, "Well, he should be looking for a job. Why is he up here at eleven o'clock in the morning to see me? He does practice what he preaches."
 - Bill W. at Guest House

 It's not surprising that it was after this very visit that Bill had his spiritual experience. He did truly "take up his bed and walk again."