Those, too

There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. - Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58

My sobriety depends absolutely on my capacity to be honest. So I about to make an admission which should help ensure my sobriety.

Since 2010, I have been abusing Fiorcet sporadically. I have hidden it from everyone and have been living a lie ever since. I am at at once ashamed and relieved. If any of you think less of me, I understand fully. I'm not sure I could respect a hypocrite, especially one who basks in adulation as a "guru."

There is a passage in Job 4:3 which is apropos:

³ Think how you have instructed many,

    how you have strengthened feeble hands.
⁴ Your words have supported those who stumbled;
    you have strengthened faltering knees.
⁵ But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged;
    it strikes you, and you are dismayed.

Bear in mind that these are Job's "comforters," men who have no grasp of God's intention.To say to me, "but think of all the people you have helped" may be comforting to me but the "trouble" Job endured was not of his own making. Mine was.

Nevertheless, I am going continue the blog, only now as a commentary as I re-work the steps with a sponsor.

I started writing this back on Monday, September 9, but couldn't decide whether or not to go ahead in spite of having stumbled. I guess I'll go ahead.

I'll post the next entry tonight.

God Bless.